Relationships: Imperfection & Conversation

Episode 27: Man’s imperfections are naturally many. However, women, quite amazingly … have none! Along with perfect hearing, eyesight and memory, combined with a sixth sense that Uri Geller would be proud to claim title to, a woman has no imperfections. To even hint at such an unholy miscarriage of DNA management will be regarded by the astonishingly gifted woman’s friends, family members and hairdressers alike, as a mortal sin.This natural and inalterable state of being can often be confusing to the average male; someone who has a secret disbelief that any one single human being can in fact be so perfect, let alone half the human race. But, unfortunately it is true, and the next few pages will hopefully convince the non-believers and provide some direction in coming to terms with the fact.It may start with a finger wagging father-to-son discussion informing the innocent male child that ‘women are always right!’ It could be listening to a rather different exchange of words; perhaps a surprisingly loud exchange between a father and mother overheard whilst sitting in the dark, halfway up the stairs where the inquisitive pre-pubescent male listens to his mother reinforcing the fact, and his father agreeing with her.So, you may ask, how does this state of total perfection manifest itself? Well, one of the regularly witnessed demonstrations becomes evident in the art of conversation. As women are naturally shy individuals and not known for vocalising their own attributes, the attentive male will note certain subtle changes of emphasis, use of particular words out of context and an ever present smile when delivering cutting sentences of sarcastic praise and scolding rebuke.For example, with our Kylie claiming ownership of a body completely lacking any form of imperfection, she will be prompted to make comment relating to other women’s clothing as she and Harry walk down the street, engaged on a regular Saturday morning shopping expedition.K: ‘That tee shirt would look good on a fourteen year old!’Harry’s gaze will be directed to the unfortunate fifty something, poorly maintained person with unsupported sagging breasts, straw like ash blonde hair, and face makeup that has somehow moved just a smidgen east of centre since it was first applied. It is the middle of winter with air temperatures in the High Street of minus three … as indicated by two rather obvious points of interest straining to break through the cheap, dangerously thin Tee shirt material. However, this somewhat under-exercised body remains coatless with the whole assembly being transported via a precarious balancing act ably demonstrated on a pair of scuffed patent leather six inch heels.Harry could well be concerned that Kylie’s statement may have been some form of criticism. So now he has to ask the question as he points in the tottering individual’s direction.H: ‘Why did you say that tee shirt would look good on a fourteen year old Luv?’K: ‘Well … it would, wouldn’t it?’The sarcasm is cutting; confidence in the correctness of her rebuke … firm. Harry is still focused on the two prominent points of interest and having never seen a fifty year old woman naked before, wonders what kind of hindrance they might be whilst bending over a hot frying pan?As already demonstrated by a critical Kylie, walking closely alongside perfection in any woman is confidence. They are naturally full of confidence in most situations, but especially so in ones of conversation. They can hold a conversation with another Kylie either face to face or on the phone for several hours at a time. Such records are only normally beaten when the other partner in the telephonic exchange is Kylie’s mother. Combining that magical sixth sense and mastery of the art of conversation, a woman can and will speak confidently for a man in most situations. She will be amazingly accurate in her revelations about her Harry’s strengths and weaknesses as well as his social diary commitments when being asked to confirm some possible appointment or social gathering. In other words, Harry need really speak very little, if at all, whilst in the company of his beloved Kylie. Some disbelieving males may scoff at any kind of suggestion that a female can possibly answer questions or converse coherently on behalf of a much superior being … such as a male. However, listen in on this conversation as Harry and Kylie bump into Tom and Jean from ‘over the road’ as they exit a busy Asda’s. The first words of greeting will always be between the men as the two women weigh one another up critically but silently for fashion errors and colour mismatches.H: ‘Hello Tom and Jean … fancy seeing you here on a Saturday morning eh?’Tom: ‘Hello Harry, Hello Kylie, We were just …’K: ‘Ooh …. Its damn cold you know. We’ve just been up the High Street and it’s blowing a damn gale up there!’Jean: ‘Hello you two … I was just saying that …’K: ‘It’s so damn cold, my Mum says it’s going to get even colder Jean’H: ‘T

Source: Relationships: Imperfection & Conversation